So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
