Don't EVER smell your tampon
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
