i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
MIDGETS
????
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
