She's JV to your varsity
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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