I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
