I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
