I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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