Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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