You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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