The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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