my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
