FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
