you guys were way drunker than both of me
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
