The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
The uberlube is also flammable
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
