Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
