If i come over, it means nothing
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
