Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
