I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
