Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
