Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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