Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
