The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
