dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Bring me that man meat
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
