How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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