You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
