My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
