I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
