dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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