I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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