highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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