There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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