I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
