We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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