standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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