Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
