jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
