I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
