Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
