i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize