Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
It's shark week go big or go home
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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