I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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