Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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