discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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