I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
