found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
My ATM looks so different sober.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
