So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
