I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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