since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
