Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
