You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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