It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
